My friend Brenda was over yesterday and she asked me, “Are you freaking out and crying hysterically, yet?”
No, I’m not and no I haven’t. In July, August, and September I had dreams that had some symbols in them. I interpreted those symbols as God speaking to me. Therefore I’m completely comfortable with where I am. The pending mastectomy doesn’t bother me. My meditation, prayers and a few dreams saved me from hysterics.
But, I’ll tell you what does make me want to cry hysterically; not being able to complete a task. I’m not talking anything big. Just the simple task of cleaning the bathroom; or writing a love note to a friend; or finishing this blog! Simple little 40min goals go undone because one of the children will need something. And following that something else needs to be done. And then another child will have an immediate need….and on and on it goes!
Perfect example, Brenda was here to help out. Our children are in the same vocal training
class so she came by. I only had two of my children here the 4month old girl & 20mos boy. I had her to hold the baby while I changed my sheets and cleaned my room (FINALLY). Once i got the bed made-this took longer than it should have because my 20 mo/b wrestled with the comforter, the pillows and the sheets; he threw pillowcases all around and had such a good time all by himself I had to join in-but once i got the bed made i heard Brenda in the other room trying not to panic. I rushed in to see that the baby had puked and Brenda was trying to NOT get any on herself-rightly so, she had a meeting to go to. I’m the only person who walks into meetings, churches and other adult gatherings with streams of dried puke on my shirt.
Anyho, I got them cleaned-up and turned to notice that the 20mo/b had started taking off his diaper. I reached down to stop him and he ran away laughing his little sinister laugh. As he took off running a nice-sized, greenish-brown, stanky load plopped out of his diaper and onto the floor.
I had to gather up the load, disinfect the floor and track him down. He was angelically sitting on his potty, finishing the job. Once he was through I cleaned and disinfected his potty.
By this time the 4month old girl was fidgeting. I made her a bottle and Brenda tried to feed her.
Now the 20mo/boy was pulling me to the fridge. I had forgotten that we had been gone all
the day and had not eaten. Naturally that does not matter much to a toddler who lives on yogurt, raisins and anything that he finds on the floor….well, I shouldn’t say “anything”. It has to be the stickiest, hairiest thing that he finds on SOMEONE else’s floor! See he’s been trained at home not to eat off the floor. But i guess i have to explicitly teach him that the same principal applies across the genre of floors; restaurants, grocery stores, libraries and public bathrooms!!!
Anyho (aaargh), I got a cup of yogurt and sat him in the chair; but now the baby was very fidgety. She wasn’t hungry she was sleepy. Well, of course only mom can put her to sleep, even though my BFF is over to take care of us. So i sat down to quiet her and realized that we only had 10 min before we had to go and pick up the children. I also realized that i hadn’t eaten, that i was exhausted and that my room was STILL NOT CLEAN!! The simple goal of cleaning a room would AGAIN not get completed!
What’s really sad and makes me want to cry hysterically even more than that is the fact that I have goals like: clean the a room, wash 3 loads of clothes, clean out the fridge! How pathetic!!
I use to set goals like, go to Europe and it was achieved! Become an international speaker, check. Quit my job, sell my car and go to school full-time. Check, check and check. Make $2000 a day, check. Birth a baby under water, check. Fast for 2 wks, check. Pray through the night, check. I set GRANDE and LOFTY goals! Now, “cut all 4 of the boys’ hair” is as lofty as it gets and will be on my To Do list for several days before it’s even accomplished!!
Talk about wanting to cry hysterically!! I feel it coming on now!!
But I digress; having a mastectomy tomorrow is not freaking me out. Staying in touch w/God through prayers, meditation and dreams has kept me sane….