Monday, Oct 8, just 12 days after my mastectomy I took a shower (previously I had taken only 2 bathes). Man, I’ve got a body that is to die for!
No, I mean if you had it on you, you would really want to die because of it! My post-pregnant stomach is still bloated and my flat chest is REALLY flat. I look like the letter ‘d’ on top and then the letter ‘P’ on the bottom. The spots where the missing breasts should be are concaved, and have a crazy looking Frankenstein stitch going across them. It would be nice if the stitches/scars were directly across from each other, but they’re not!
Should I be angry, ashamed, sad? I think I have a tinged of all of those emotions when I’m just walking around, but when I actually look in the mirror I am AMAZED at what medical technology can do! My breasts are gone!
I often think about my missing breasts. Where are they? How many pieces have they been sliced into? Are they labeled with my name or do they have a number on them? I had a birth mole on my right nipple, did “they” notice that and think of the woman that it belonged to or did they just dissect it too? I’m sure they are discolored and shriveled up by now. My poor breasts. They are gone and I’m left with these wrinkled, concaved circled spots.
Now I’m resolved to lose 10lbs, and lift weights until I’m so built that I can compete on a stage! I MUST lift weights in order to look presentable to myself. But I feel myself slowly being pulled back into the life of cooking, cleaning, washing, chauffeuring and directing kids. How can I find 2hr a day to work out?
I’ve looked at some websites today about tattoos and mastectomy scars and have determined that I am definitely going to get one of those. Maybe I’ll make it my one year mastectomy anniversary gift to myself. I’ll spend the year designing it and finding a tattoo artists. This place in San Francisco looks cool! It’s call DragonFly Ink and she gives free tattoos to those recovering from reconstructive surgery! I don’t think I’ll do that but a tattoo is interesting. warning: if you click on the link you will see a pictures.
I ‘ll have to recreate my body and my life.
God help me!