I have looked death in the eye and said, “No, you are not taking me THIS way!”
When I was first diagnosed in 2001 we had 2 children and 1 nephew and I was determined that they would not watch me become emaciated with breast cancer. Now that we have 5 children I am even more determined. By the help of God, I will live and not die. I will definitely die one day and it may possibly be from some form of cancer; but death is not taking me NOW and it ain’t coming through my breasts! I’ll cut them off first! The last 3 children will never remember me as the voluptuous woman that I was because of the mastectomy, but at least they’ll have me as a mother!
That’s how I felt about choosing to have the mastectomy…until the pathology report. After the doctor’s pathology report I found myself second guessing my decision to have the mastectomy.
The breast cancer they diagnosed me with was in the duct; ductal carcinoma insitu. The doctor didn’t “feel” comfortable just doing a lumpectomy because cancer could be “hiding in another area”. The tests already showed that there was extensive “diffused abnormalities throughout”. We didn’t know if it had gone outside the ducts and into the breast. We didn’t know if it was in the breast and had traveled through my body. So to agree to a mastectomy just to find out seemed pretty radical.
However, I took it a step farther and asked for the removal of both breast. It was a gamble and after hearing the pathology report i started to feel like I lost.
Why? Because the pathology report showed that the ducts were holding it down; there was NO cancer in the breast tissue (invasive) and therefore no cancer in my body (Metastasis)!
After hearing that report-which of course was tossed out as “good news”- I wanted to cry. For the first time in 6yrs of dealing with breast cancer I had some tears; but only because I felt that I had gotten sucked into the “system”. I also listened to others-my parents and sisters. I worried about them worrying about me. I worried about my children. So I gambled in the name of love.
After the pathology report I was sad. But later it occurred to me, gambling on love is a good reason to gamble. God gambled on us. Jesus gave his life in hopes that we will believe on him and have everlasting life; and yet there are many who don’t; but He gambled nonetheless.
YES! I exchanged my breasts for extra years with my children and my parents.
I sacrificed my voluptuous look for more time with my husband.
I’m not afraid of Death for I know my Saviour liveth. And Death is not going to taunt me anymore with the threat of breast cancer. I was able to look him in the eye, snatch my breast off and say, “Here they are, now get out of my face!” I feel so alive! I’m ready to take on the world!
I guess that wasn’t a bad gamble after all!